Walking Travesty
by KissMeGoodbye15
Summary: Could the one you never noticed, be the one you'd been waiting for all along?
1. Chapter 1

Walking Travesty

The florescent lights above the room buzzed, the annoying sound you'd hear in a place filled with silence. Clare casually bit on her fingernails, waiting for _Cindy_ to return. Just as she had begun to run out of nails to bite, the sound of high heels clicking against the floor got closer. The door behind her shut and Cindy; an overweight woman in her late fifties sat in a chair across from Clare.

"How have you been feeling lately?" Cindy asked, pulling out a clipboard and a stack of papers.

Clare fixed her posture. She shrugged. "I...don't know. The same way I've been feeling for the past months?"

"The techniques I showed you last time didn't help?" Cindy asked hopefully.

"To be honest, I forgot all about them.." She responded, not moving her eyes from the dark green carpet that surrounded them. "They're...just about the last thing that ever comes to mind. Quite frankly I don't think they work."

Cindy's eyebrows furrowed. "If you don't try how will you get better?" She sighed. "When you came to me, you said you wanted to be better, that you hated feeling this way but from what I've seen...you're not attempting to do anything. I don't understand."

Clare's heart pounded through her thin band tee. Her therapist would never understand that these mediocre "breathing techniques" changed absolutely nothing for her. She didn't feel better, if anything she felt pathetic for even attempting them.

"I do" She started out but drifted. "I do... want to get better, you have no idea how bad I do but this isn't working out for me at all. I've been coming here for.." She thought. "..for almost a year and nothing. I'm just tired. I've been tired for the longest time and no one gets that. Breathing differently isn't going to stop the thoughts, the anxiety, or the lashing out. And I didn't come to you, my mother forces me to come. If it were up to me, I'd be asleep in my room right now."

Cindy just stared in disbelief. "Your hour is up. I'll see you next Monday. Please see Patricia for a note for your school." And with that she exited the room.

Clare rolled her eyes making her way up to the secretary's desk for the note.

This what every Monday from one to two consisted of. She'd rather have been at school than deal with this bullshit.

Though now that she really thought of it, she really wasn't in the mood for school either but that's where she was headed next.

As she headed to her locker , she saw her friends waiting by eagerly.

Alli, Jenna, and Bianca. Whoo, three whole friends, what a popular one she was. She sarcastically thought.

Bianca was the first to speak. "Bitch, I missed you! And I got to tell you what happened between me and _him_ last night."

Clare slightly smiled. Bianca was so out there compared to her plain self...but if she really thought about it all of her friends were really out except her. Alli, all cute and small, texting different guys left and right. Jenna deeply smitten with this twenty-two year old she met at the mall months back. Bianca always had drama with a guy named Austin that she - even though she'd never admit it – was in love with.

"Oh my gosh, I was texting Eli, we've been flirting majorly and I-" Alli was cut off.

"Since when do you text Eli?" Jenna interrupted.

"Since a couple of weeks, plus we dated in the grade six duh. Anyway, I think he likes me again. Oh my gosh, do you remember when I dumped him, Bianca?"

Bianca thought for a minute before remembering. "Yes! He was all sad and then he dedicated that Lonely song by Akon or whatever." She laughed.

"Exactly! Ah, Eli's such a loner though and he loses every girl he gets." She dramatically sighs. "Anyways, I have to go, Dave said he'd walk me to class." She winked then walked off.

"That girl has all guys eating out of the palm of her hands!" Jenna exclaimed. "Good thing the only guy I need is Luke."

Clare just stood there looking uninterested with her Spanish book in hand. "Well, I've got to get class so...bye guys."

Jenna nodded and went her own way but Bianca caught up with Clare.

"Now I can tell you what happened!"

Clare was not at all in the mood to here Bianca complain. She loved her to death but this was an everyday thing, every single day she'd complain to her about something that Austin did or said or didn't say or do. It was rather annoying.

Clare drowned out the sound of Bianca and just focused on the ground.

"Clare...Clare!" the sound resurfaced just as she felt a shoulder slam into her causing her to drop the Spanish book.

It had been Eli.

"My bad, sorry." He muttered, bending down to pick up her book and handed it back.

She quietly thanked him, cheeks flushing slightly. He slightly chuckled giving her small smile before continuing down the hall.

"Clare?"

"Huh?" She turned back to face Bianca.

Bianca just looked her up and down suspiciously.

Clare raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Bianca rolled her eyes. "Don't 'what' me. I'm not stupid. I was born at night but not last night."

Clare was deeply confused. "Why are we discussing at what time of the day you were born? Care to elaborate on what you mean?"

"You like Eli. It's plain to see though I don't know why I didn't notice until now."

She scoffed. "I _don't_ like Eli, at least not that way. I barely know the guy."

"Whatever you say." She walked off.

Clare felt the thought of her liking Eli ridiculous. Well to be honest, she might have known him since grade seven but had never really noticed him until last semester since they got stuck in Spanish together all year.

Right before the bell rang, she ushered into Spanish class taking her seat at the empty table across the room from Eli's seat. Her table always stayed empty well besides her sitting there. People in this class kind of assumed she was some sort of misanthrope. She didn't think of herself as that but maybe she was?


	2. Chapter 2

Alli was beyond pissed the next day. She went on and on about some nonsense involving Eli. Clare didn't see how two people so distinctly different could even interact on _that_ level.

"I mean can you believe he told me he was **not** into me! Like what the hell? He gave clear signs that he was then he comes up with this bullshit. I just don't understand him." Alli exclaimed, vigorously rubbing her temples. "What a headache that guy is, I swear! What do you think, Clare?"

Clare cleared her throat. "Uh...does he like someone else? Is that why he doesn't like you?"

Clare swore she saw smoke come out of Alli's ears in anger. "Yes! Yes, he said he liked some other girl. What girl could possibly be better than me anyways? She's probably fat, emo, and ugly."

"You really shouldn't assume that the girl is fat, ugly, or emo just because you're angry." Clare muttered in annoyance.

Alli's eyes seemed to pop out of her head. "Whose side are you on, Clare! Like sheesh, you're supposed to be my friend and you're over here defending that...that ugly slut."

"You don't even know who she is. Did you ask him who she was?"

"Ugh, he kind of got like nervous or something and said she didn't go here." She waved her hand away. "You know what! I must go tell Bianca and Jenna about this. Meet us at the lockers after 4th hour so we can go to lunch together. Bye!"

Clare sighed in relief that Alli had finally left. Don't get her wrong, she loved Alli very much. They'd been friends for years but Alli has always been sort of a drama queen that exaggerated a bit much. Why was Eli not reciprocating feelings the worst thing in the world when Dave, Drew, and some others still lusted after her?

Clare would kill to have at least one guy interested in her but who in their right mind would go for her? She was crazy, after all. Only her friends and family knew that she was diagnosed with a mental illness last year, making life **that** much harder for her. Most people didn't take having SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) as serious but it was beyond serious for her. She couldn't remember the last time she ate lunch at school or when out to public places, well besides school. From the minute she woke up to the minute she fell asleep, she experienced intense fear of everyday simple tasks. They ate at her. Then the irrational thoughts started when she was eleven and they've yet to leave, just becoming louder and louder. Which explained why she'd rather spend all of her time sleeping rather than being with friends like a normal teen. When she was asleep she was safe, safe from herself.

And of course, every once in a while she'd lash out in anger for no apparent reason. Twice in front of her friends. She was embarrassed but they understood, still treating her like she was normal.

Her thoughts consumed her as she roamed the halls. She noticed she was one of the only people in the halls at the time, well except for Eli. _Why did this guy always show up where I was?_, she thought.

He was coming, she was going. She happen to glance his way, their eyes meeting for just a second but his green eyes stayed fixed on her.

Did she have something on her face or...?

Her heart began to beat rapidly. No, she didn't _like_ this guy, just the fact that the way he was looking at her weirded her out a bit.

Right before they were out of sight to each other. He quietly muttered. "Bye Clare."

_What the fuck?_

She slowly turned around but had missed him turning a corner.

Lunch time rolled around a lot faster today. Clare was just glad that the school day was half over.

Her friends had all decided to gather around in the girls' bathroom. Alli visciously applying coat after coat of mascara. While Jenna was propped up on the sink, phoning her boyfriend. The minute Bianca saw Clare, she quickly pulled her aside away from the rest.

"Uh?" Clare wondered.

Bianca shook her head knowingly. "Alli told me this morning about Eli." She whispered.

Clare was more than confused. Why was she whispering, like as if it were some secret? "And?"

Bianca poked her in the arm. "He didn't _like_ her? And I know that you like him so even though Alli would kill you maybe you should go after him." she suggested.

Was she out of her mind? And did she understand that she did not have a thing **at all** for this guy? Even if she did, what kind of a friend would do that to another friend?

"I" She pointed at herself. "do not like him, okay." she slowly said. Maybe then she'd understand.

Bianca rolled her eyes. "Blah blah, bitch. Don't hide your feelings with me. I know you like I know my way with a penis."

"Ew, Bianca. Don't. Just don't." Clare laughed. "But in all seriousness, I don't have feelings for or any guy for that matter...but **if **I did you'd be the first to know." she reassured.

"Promise?"

"Yes."

Bianca smiled. "Okay well, come with me to put my bag up in the locker?"

"..Sure."

* * *

Clare slouched on the stool she was sitting on. She continued to type vigorously, determined to finish her essay.

"How was school today?" her mother casually asked.

She bit at her finger. "School was...school. I guess, I don't know."

Clare's mother stopped chopping onions, fixing her stare on her daughter. "Have you been taking your meds?"

Clare rolled her eyes. "..No. I told you I'm not taking them anymore. They make me gain weight!" she exclaimed. "Like I need the extra pounds. I'm borderline freakin' sumo wrestler." she muttered.

"See! See the way you talk? You're psycho." She covered her face with a hand, deeply exhaling. "I honestly **don't** know what I did to deserve such a messed daughter. I really don't."

"Well, I'm so **fucking** sorry." Clare replied sarcastically, packing up her laptop. "I won't be eating tonight. Goodnight." She trailed off to her room.


End file.
